Letting Go....

Today, only today did it finally hit me.

LOOK OUT FOR NUMBER 1!

ME!

You tie yourself up into some bubble, where you think life is perfect, where your happy and you feel that nothing in the world will pop this bubble, because, well, because your just overly happy. How long will it last you ask yourself now and then? You ask, but you never answer, because you are too scared to answer this one question you keep asking yourself, because you hope and hope that this bubble will last forever and it will never pop and crush your happiness.

Well let me tell you this, it does, and the person who pops it will be some kid who panics when shit happens, drop things and run when confronted and basically behave like a 6 year old who never get what they want. That kid will be the person who you fell in love with. The kid who you looked after and did everything for. My foreign kid. The kid I taught so much about my life and the surroundings around me. The kid who made friends because of you (me). Kids are ungrateful, truly ungrateful. They won't realise what they have lost until it's gone. I kind of believe this, but when something is gone for so long, you actually just get over it don't you? Truth hurts, but instead of finding another kid like that again, you find a boy, then a teenager, then eventually, you will find yourself a man, who will actually treat you how you've always wanted to be treated. Where you constantly feel you are in that bubble 24/7, 365 days a year.

I realise my kid was a fair weather friend. When things were so good, then the relationship was good. Sharing sweets, stories and laughter. When shit got sour, so did he. He wouldn't know what to do, but do the easiest thing. Drop everything and go.
Go when that best friend needed their friend the most. Pressure and true shit times show who the person really is, and show you real life. It took me a while, but today, I see it. I left and felt good. I felt angry, but good. I hadn't lost a friend, he had lost me.

I could leave the flat today with my head held high. Not giving a damn whether the person hated me for my behaviour or because of who I actually am, because at the end of the day, I can honestly say I was the best to that person, and a even better friend. They lost me forever.

The fact he was meeting another girl that night didn't even hurt. Surprised? Yeah me too, I was shocked, but just shows how weak they are, and how much stronger you are without the need of going out to paint the town red with your blood that you imagined with suicidal thoughts. But no, I was strong. I am strong, and I know, I absolutely know I was the best you ever had and was the most amazing to you.

I hope you find your way around, because I am not there to hold your hand anymore.

Good Bye.