Thank you all for your lovely birthday wishes. The ones who took the time out to send me a birthday blessing!
You're all swell! ;)
Bisous! Xxxxxxx
Friday 27 August 2010
Happy Birthday Me!
Turned 24 on the 25th.... It's downhill for real!
Thank you all for your lovely birthday wishes. The ones who took the time out to send me a birthday blessing!
You're all swell! ;)
Bisous! Xxxxxxx
Thank you all for your lovely birthday wishes. The ones who took the time out to send me a birthday blessing!
You're all swell! ;)
Bisous! Xxxxxxx
Thursday 26 August 2010
Hello?
So the one main person who I wanted to hear from, I heard nothing.
Thanks.
Thanks for remembering my birthday when scarily, my ex ex texted me bang on midnight and my ex, early in the morning!
Where was your call or text?
Yeah, thanks!
Thanks.
Thanks for remembering my birthday when scarily, my ex ex texted me bang on midnight and my ex, early in the morning!
Where was your call or text?
Yeah, thanks!
Wednesday 25 August 2010
Monday 23 August 2010
Lyrical D...
Little brother Dylan's rap lyrics for a youth club project.
It's hilarious!
This is just the beginning!
It's hilarious!
This is just the beginning!
Sunday 22 August 2010
Do It!
I'm doing the right thing. I'm looking out for number 1.
It's hard, but it's being done.
Yes, I'm doing the right thing.
It's hard, but it's being done.
Yes, I'm doing the right thing.
Buddhist Temple
I arrived home from my holiday in Portugal on a Saturday morning. I get indoors and the first thing Mumsy asks me is to go to this Buddhist temple in Birmingham the next day!
Birmingham was a turn off, but I felt that I should go. Pray, chant, get some holy water sprinkled at me and generally be a one. So Sunday came and we got on a massive coach as it was a community of Vietnamese people going. School trip esky! The journey was long but somewhat enjoyable. Just staring out the window and not speaking but just thinking. I thought about what prayers I would say and what I would wish for when I placed the incense into the pot...
The temple was ok, not as big as I thought. Especially as the one in Hendon, London is beautiful.
Inside was quite nice though, considering the outside being a bit meh!....
The whole session was about and hour and a half and damn did I suffer from pins and needles...
The day turned into some Vietnamese Paris by Night event, with people singing left, right and centre. It was cringing to say the least.
You would catch me dead up there...
I couldn't wait for this shit to be over, as we had a game of bingo to play afterwards...
1st line wins you a Canon camera, and a full house wins you some DVD surround sound system! I wanted anything!
I never win anything, and this day, I won..... NOTHING!
Nothing new there then...
Outside was more monks chanting and giving out lucky money and food... Hard to explain but it was really good fun. Just to think, I tortured myself for 2 hours watching people sing, while all the fun was happening outside! Grrrr!
Towards the end, it was a, giving to the children thing. Mylan got herself one of these from the monks!
Overall, it was a really nice day there. You look and think hard in situations you are in.
Guess what I wished and prayed for?.....
Birmingham was a turn off, but I felt that I should go. Pray, chant, get some holy water sprinkled at me and generally be a one. So Sunday came and we got on a massive coach as it was a community of Vietnamese people going. School trip esky! The journey was long but somewhat enjoyable. Just staring out the window and not speaking but just thinking. I thought about what prayers I would say and what I would wish for when I placed the incense into the pot...
The temple was ok, not as big as I thought. Especially as the one in Hendon, London is beautiful.
Inside was quite nice though, considering the outside being a bit meh!....
The whole session was about and hour and a half and damn did I suffer from pins and needles...
The day turned into some Vietnamese Paris by Night event, with people singing left, right and centre. It was cringing to say the least.
You would catch me dead up there...
I couldn't wait for this shit to be over, as we had a game of bingo to play afterwards...
1st line wins you a Canon camera, and a full house wins you some DVD surround sound system! I wanted anything!
I never win anything, and this day, I won..... NOTHING!
Nothing new there then...
Outside was more monks chanting and giving out lucky money and food... Hard to explain but it was really good fun. Just to think, I tortured myself for 2 hours watching people sing, while all the fun was happening outside! Grrrr!
Towards the end, it was a, giving to the children thing. Mylan got herself one of these from the monks!
Overall, it was a really nice day there. You look and think hard in situations you are in.
Guess what I wished and prayed for?.....
Friday 20 August 2010
Twilight
Once you see death, you will see life...
Believe meeee!
I tell myself that all the time. Makes me appreciate the time I have and what positives are going on around me...
I try to not let sadness get me down, because that will drive me to an early grave!!!
Chin chin! X
Believe meeee!
I tell myself that all the time. Makes me appreciate the time I have and what positives are going on around me...
I try to not let sadness get me down, because that will drive me to an early grave!!!
Chin chin! X
Wednesday 18 August 2010
Birthday List PLEASE!
OK, so I'm reaching the deadly 2, 4. Kill me now. Materialistic as I may be, you always gotta love receiving presents. Money, gift vouchers and all toiletry shit is just boring and lame...
Thank you in advance! Ha!
The Wacom Intuous 4 tablet! Needed in my life on a real!
The NEW Kindle!!! WOW WOW WOW!
A waterproof camera. Because you can get the most amazing fun shots in the water! =(
A Polaroid 300 in Black. Because if you know me well, you would know I FUCKING love Polaroids! EEEkkkkkKKK!!!!
oh, and film to go with it of course!
When I can think of more, I'll add it to my list!
Jolly oh! =)
Thank you in advance! Ha!
The Wacom Intuous 4 tablet! Needed in my life on a real!
The NEW Kindle!!! WOW WOW WOW!
A waterproof camera. Because you can get the most amazing fun shots in the water! =(
A Polaroid 300 in Black. Because if you know me well, you would know I FUCKING love Polaroids! EEEkkkkkKKK!!!!
oh, and film to go with it of course!
When I can think of more, I'll add it to my list!
Jolly oh! =)
Tuesday 17 August 2010
Double Trouble
He reminds me of my little brother when he was at that age! He had eyebrows that would flick upwards like an evil Chinese emperor!
Too cute!
He was a real jester at the Buddhist temple!
Too cute!
He was a real jester at the Buddhist temple!
Monday 9 August 2010
Sunday 8 August 2010
Portugal
So I go to Portugal tomorrow morning. The holiday that Scary Starer and I was meant to go on together for his birthday present.
I've packed to run away and never come back.
I've changed up more money to last me a life time. (well not really).
I've got my translation phrasebook.
It's all pretty shit.
I've never not ever not looked forward to a holiday apart from this one.
It's going to be emotional.
FUCK!
=(
I've packed to run away and never come back.
I've changed up more money to last me a life time. (well not really).
I've got my translation phrasebook.
It's all pretty shit.
I've never not ever not looked forward to a holiday apart from this one.
It's going to be emotional.
FUCK!
=(
Saturday 7 August 2010
Happy 4th Birthday Mylan!
Regardless of my shit, it's my little sister, Mylan's birthday!
Diva I tell ya!
Diva I tell ya!
Me
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Poo
It is becoming increasingly frustrating at the amount of times someone keeps telling me, "you need help", "you not all there", "don't be afraid to seek professional help" etc...
Where was you 3 years ago when I have a breakdown at 20/21 years old? I've been there, done that!
Paying £30 an hour to speak to some stranger who practically invades your privacy by making you tell him your whole life story. Making you cry at the most damaging memories ever. Making you have puffy eyes when you leave that door. Making you feel so shit and low like you have never felt before. Making you feel that bit better because you let it all out, but then what? What changes does it do? You end up remembering it. Living that nightmare again.
Being on anti-depressants and telling people your not all there, something to be proud of? No fucking way.
You keep that shit behind closed doors. Why, because whoever you do tell will in fact, definitely think you are 100% crazy and will never befriend you or even try to get to know you.
I know someone who is consistently paranoid. Perhaps from all the smoking, but with him, I take him how he is. I see how he is, so I let him be. I don't put pressure on him to be a good person, but meh, whatever! Putting pressure on someone to make changes and to make them fast doesn't help, but actually makes things 10 times worse!
Changes takes time. I've been making those changes. I see the changes whether you see it or not. You were never there for my whole living life so you would never know or see what I have been through!
I have a shit life, maybe not absolutely shit, but it sure does feel it this past month. The thought of harming one self is normal. But am I stupid enough to do it? No. I'm not that extreme.
I'm not crazy, not insane, not mad, not anything. I am just My-Ha.
You telling what I need to do does not solve anything but if anything, irritates me more. You don't need to keep repeating the obvious!
I am really upset and really down at the moment, and to be honest, there is no one I can turn to, because no one understands how I feel, so I feel to jot it all down. It's hard suffering from cancer, depression and early twenties breakdown, but in my eyes, I've been so strong and I may not be proud of all my actions, but I sure do make my shitty situations into something I can learn from. I suppose that's life at the end of the day.
Where was you 3 years ago when I have a breakdown at 20/21 years old? I've been there, done that!
Paying £30 an hour to speak to some stranger who practically invades your privacy by making you tell him your whole life story. Making you cry at the most damaging memories ever. Making you have puffy eyes when you leave that door. Making you feel so shit and low like you have never felt before. Making you feel that bit better because you let it all out, but then what? What changes does it do? You end up remembering it. Living that nightmare again.
Being on anti-depressants and telling people your not all there, something to be proud of? No fucking way.
You keep that shit behind closed doors. Why, because whoever you do tell will in fact, definitely think you are 100% crazy and will never befriend you or even try to get to know you.
I know someone who is consistently paranoid. Perhaps from all the smoking, but with him, I take him how he is. I see how he is, so I let him be. I don't put pressure on him to be a good person, but meh, whatever! Putting pressure on someone to make changes and to make them fast doesn't help, but actually makes things 10 times worse!
Changes takes time. I've been making those changes. I see the changes whether you see it or not. You were never there for my whole living life so you would never know or see what I have been through!
I have a shit life, maybe not absolutely shit, but it sure does feel it this past month. The thought of harming one self is normal. But am I stupid enough to do it? No. I'm not that extreme.
I'm not crazy, not insane, not mad, not anything. I am just My-Ha.
You telling what I need to do does not solve anything but if anything, irritates me more. You don't need to keep repeating the obvious!
I am really upset and really down at the moment, and to be honest, there is no one I can turn to, because no one understands how I feel, so I feel to jot it all down. It's hard suffering from cancer, depression and early twenties breakdown, but in my eyes, I've been so strong and I may not be proud of all my actions, but I sure do make my shitty situations into something I can learn from. I suppose that's life at the end of the day.
Gone
Gone, but never forgotten...
I feel really sad. Too many emotions flying about these days.
I actually feel alone.
No one listens.
No one cares.
It's me and my own.
Maybe a move may be a big help.
DO IT!
I feel really sad. Too many emotions flying about these days.
I actually feel alone.
No one listens.
No one cares.
It's me and my own.
Maybe a move may be a big help.
DO IT!
Tuesday 3 August 2010
Rollin' Rollin'
Please keep the abuse rolling in. It makes me stronger, and makes you look more pathetic!
Monday 2 August 2010
I Feel...
Like Juno in the self named film, Juno.
To bad, I know it won't end up like the film.
I need a caring and lovely boyfriend like Bleeker. Period.
To bad, I know it won't end up like the film.
I need a caring and lovely boyfriend like Bleeker. Period.
Sunday 1 August 2010
How Do I...
Tell him?
How do I spill such news?
How do I say all of this without looking for sympathy?
How do I do anything anymore?
You have no idea at all! =(
How do I spill such news?
How do I say all of this without looking for sympathy?
How do I do anything anymore?
You have no idea at all! =(
I Miss Him
I don't miss the loving,
I don't miss the hugging,
I don't miss the kisses,
I don't miss the back cracking,
I don't miss the spooning,
I don't miss the forehead kissing,
I don't miss the stuffed crust pizza eating,
I don't miss the trips to brick lane bikes,
I don't miss our morning breakfast tea together,
I don't miss when he tries to drown me and rough up my cuticles when we're in the shower,
I don't miss when he video iChats me when we're sitting right next to each other,
I don't miss him calling me a little shit,
I don't miss folding up his laundry,
I don't miss sharing the pillow and duvet with him,
I don't miss sleeping next to a electrical plug,
I don't miss eating oven chips with him,
I don't miss his smelly poos,
I don't miss him teasing me on the work staircase and giving me a cheeky kiss and hug,
I don't miss him trying to get himself into the work toilet with me,
I don't miss him embarrassing me in front of work colleagues,
I don't miss him in his Punisher pants,
I don't miss his obsession and love for Nike Air Max 1's,
I don't miss him touching the tip of my nose and him rubbing it with his finger,
I don't miss him laughing with me,
I don't miss mistaking a window for a mirror and showing my frontal to the whole street,
I don't miss being lazy while he cleans the flat,
I don't miss him telling me that he loves me.
Who am I kidding....?
I love and miss my best friend/boyfriend ever....
Please come home. Please.
I don't miss the hugging,
I don't miss the kisses,
I don't miss the back cracking,
I don't miss the spooning,
I don't miss the forehead kissing,
I don't miss the stuffed crust pizza eating,
I don't miss the trips to brick lane bikes,
I don't miss our morning breakfast tea together,
I don't miss when he tries to drown me and rough up my cuticles when we're in the shower,
I don't miss when he video iChats me when we're sitting right next to each other,
I don't miss him calling me a little shit,
I don't miss folding up his laundry,
I don't miss sharing the pillow and duvet with him,
I don't miss sleeping next to a electrical plug,
I don't miss eating oven chips with him,
I don't miss his smelly poos,
I don't miss him teasing me on the work staircase and giving me a cheeky kiss and hug,
I don't miss him trying to get himself into the work toilet with me,
I don't miss him embarrassing me in front of work colleagues,
I don't miss him in his Punisher pants,
I don't miss his obsession and love for Nike Air Max 1's,
I don't miss him touching the tip of my nose and him rubbing it with his finger,
I don't miss him laughing with me,
I don't miss mistaking a window for a mirror and showing my frontal to the whole street,
I don't miss being lazy while he cleans the flat,
I don't miss him telling me that he loves me.
Who am I kidding....?
I love and miss my best friend/boyfriend ever....
Please come home. Please.
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