Poo

It is becoming increasingly frustrating at the amount of times someone keeps telling me, "you need help", "you not all there", "don't be afraid to seek professional help" etc...

Where was you 3 years ago when I have a breakdown at 20/21 years old? I've been there, done that!

Paying £30 an hour to speak to some stranger who practically invades your privacy by making you tell him your whole life story. Making you cry at the most damaging memories ever. Making you have puffy eyes when you leave that door. Making you feel so shit and low like you have never felt before. Making you feel that bit better because you let it all out, but then what? What changes does it do? You end up remembering it. Living that nightmare again.

Being on anti-depressants and telling people your not all there, something to be proud of? No fucking way.
You keep that shit behind closed doors. Why, because whoever you do tell will in fact, definitely think you are 100% crazy and will never befriend you or even try to get to know you.

I know someone who is consistently paranoid. Perhaps from all the smoking, but with him, I take him how he is. I see how he is, so I let him be. I don't put pressure on him to be a good person, but meh, whatever! Putting pressure on someone to make changes and to make them fast doesn't help, but actually makes things 10 times worse!

Changes takes time. I've been making those changes. I see the changes whether you see it or not. You were never there for my whole living life so you would never know or see what I have been through!

I have a shit life, maybe not absolutely shit, but it sure does feel it this past month. The thought of harming one self is normal. But am I stupid enough to do it? No. I'm not that extreme.

I'm not crazy, not insane, not mad, not anything. I am just My-Ha.

You telling what I need to do does not solve anything but if anything, irritates me more. You don't need to keep repeating the obvious!

I am really upset and really down at the moment, and to be honest, there is no one I can turn to, because no one understands how I feel, so I feel to jot it all down. It's hard suffering from cancer, depression and early twenties breakdown, but in my eyes, I've been so strong and I may not be proud of all my actions, but I sure do make my shitty situations into something I can learn from. I suppose that's life at the end of the day.