I Feel Shit!

Recently and more so today, I've felt shit. Yeah literally. The type where you give up, all your hopes and future plans are shattered for whatever reasons, or reasons that make your mind work in the weirdest of ways! The feelings that make you paranoid and make you think some next ways that you usually don't. This could be insecurities, it could be paranoia, it could be shit that's going down, or exactly that. SHIT GOING DOWN!

Session 1 was last week and it was meh. Same shit, different day, but with different hopes. This time, no hopes.
Hoping gets you no where. Whether you hope you will live a happy life with your loved ones and beautiful family, or hopes and dreams of that future you planned all out in your head. Gone, vanished, poof! =(

You live a timeline.

My timeline is slim to none. This is scary. Very scary. Fucked. Overly fucked!
Who do I have to turn to? To make me smile when I feel down.
Skype!

Video calling my little brother and sister out there in mother land is the only thing that makes me forget about the shit things in life and make me smile, and look forward to something. Seeing them!

I may sound selfish and shit, but you know what, I don't really care. I need something. What, you ask? I don't really know myself, but what I do know is that I want is love, honesty, support, and that shoulder to cry on or that person who I can moan to if I feel I need a little rant. I have no one.

Unrealistic as this may sound. I want everything to be perfect. Where I live the overly happy life and positivity follows me wherever I choose to go.

This may seem like one of those depressive posts, but fuck it. I'm dying and so is everyone else I guess.
(Shit, I sound crazy!)

=S

I need change.